Bromance is for Pussies: First Time
by inu382
Summary: Within the Bromance universe: Stan and Kyle just want to have sex. StanKyle KyleStan Style


As I promised, this is the first of many mini stories that are within the _Bromance_ universe, but will not give away the plot of the sequel (which, as it turns out, is super hard). You won't need to read these to understand the sequel…hopefully.

And, _wow_. I _did not_ know so many people liked _Bromance_ that much. I feel really humbled, you guys. Seriously, thank you.

By the bye, still looking for a beta.

Also, GlibCharm (the same person who inspired me to have these ministories) asked me to read her South Park story. I have read it, so here's the plug; it's a great story and it's terribly interesting. If you like _Bromance_ and you enjoy exploring the characters in South Park, then I suggest you read GlibCharm's _SP Rehab is Gay_.

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><p><em>Bromance is for Pussies: First Time<em>

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><p>The guitar begins strumming. Four claps follow. One loud "<em>Hey!" <em>Then the rest of the band picks up and the red-headed singer grabs the microphone.

"_What I like about you_

_You hold me tiiiight._

_Tell me I'm the only one_

_Tryin' to come over tonight!"_

Stan Marsh grinned at the stage as his boyfriend, Kyle Broflovski, swayed his hips to the beat and danced around the mic stand. After they had gotten together, getting ready for senior year had kept them pretty busy, but now the summer had come and they had all the free time in the world; as such, Stan decided it was time that he and Kyle finally had a _real_ first date as opposed to a confession-date or a quasi-date. The brunet picked up his boyfriend around six and told Kyle to close his eyes.

After revealing that their first date would be in a karaoke bar, Stan was rewarded with the best kiss he'd even gotten from the Jew. Stan immediately decided that surprising Kyle was definitely worth any and all trouble.

"_What I like about you_

_You really know how to dance!_

_When you up, down, jump around,_

_Think about true romance!_

_Keep on whispering in my ear,_

_Tell me all the things that I wanna hear,_

'_Cause it's true!_

_That's what I like about you!"_

Stan laughed as Kyle pointed directly at the brunet, grinning madly. For someone who supposedly didn't have rhythm, Kyle sure could sing. As the guitar filled the air, Kyle laughed and signaled for Stan to join him; with a chuckle, Stan didn't hesitate and bounded to the stage. Smiling, Stan and Kyle began dancing on stage to the harmonica solo. Then, Stan grabbed the mic with one hand and wrapped an arm around Kyle's waist, singing excitedly.

"_What I like about you_

_You keep me warm at niiight!_

_Never wanna let you go,_

_Know you make me feel all riiiight!_

_Keep on whispering in my ear,_

_Tell me all the things that I wanna hear,_

'_Cause it's true!_

_That's what I like about you!"_

Stan beamed at Kyle as he whispered the next few lyrics, then let out a loud _"Hey!"_ As the crowd applauded them, the two boys bowed and left the stage, laughing as they sat at their table. The waitress passed them and refilled their water, congratulating them on a job well done.

"So," Kyle began once he downed his water, "What made you decide to take me out on a date-date finally?"

Stan grinned. "You mean besides the fact that I want to get in your pants?"

"Besides that, yes," Kyle smiled coyly.

"Kyle, by now you should realize that everything I do, I do because I love you."

The Jew, momentarily shocked, stared at his boyfriend for a few seconds before a smile spread on his face. "Faggot."

"Only for you, baby."

"So, does that make us gay?"

Stan shrugged. "You're the only guy I've ever been attracted to."

Kyle nodded. "Same here."

"Huh. I wonder if we're still straight, but are just so meant to be, we're gay for each other."

Kyle smiled. "I wouldn't be surprised. What haven't we done together?"

"Sex," was Stan's prompt answer, causing Kyle to choke on the water he stole from Stan.

"Dammit, Stan, can't you wait for sex?" Kyle muttered, blushing furiously.

"Can you?" the brunet countered.

"Not particularly," Kyle conceded, "But we never get a minute alone. This is the closest we'll get to having private time."

Stan looked around—the room was completely full of people. He sighed as the irony of that was not lost on him. "Yeah, I know, but what can we do? My parents won't fall for the California thing again and even if they did…"

"Yeah, yeah," Kyle grunted, "My _mom_."

Although being with each other had been the best experience of their lives and both boys were rather surprised at how easily their parents took their new-found relationship, Sheila hadn't given the boys a moment of respite once the summer started, knowing how frisky both boys' libidos were.

The Jewish mother had nothing to worry about while the boys were in school. After their dramatic play confession and Stan's plan to formerly ask Kyle out, both boys were swamped with paperwork for future scholarships, choosing their colleges, and choosing their senior year classes. While the latter was not as troublesome for Stan, Kyle was an honor student with AP classes. And even in the evening, when school was long forgotten, Stan and Kyle kept a busy schedule with all their friends to hang out regularly.

However, this week would be the only week Stan and Kyle would have a chance to be alone. Wendy and Cartman decided that, though they'd only been dating a few months, they were ready to take their relationship to another level; Wendy's aunt was leaving the country for a week and had asked Wendy to house-sit for her. And, seeing as how Wendy and Cartman didn't have parents trying to keep them from having sex, Wendy decided that next level should be seeing if they could live together. As such, the brunette invited Cartman, who gladly agreed, and they both went off to Florida to see how well they could live together.

Stan gave them two days.

Meanwhile, Bebe had decided that, while she and Kyle were now good friends, she still needed to get away from South Park for a while to try to discover who she was outside of Kyle and if she really could live a life she wanted to live while not becoming her mother. So, the blonde set off to California, where she found temporary work in a restaurant as a waitress and a place to stay with her mother's friend. Butters had decided that it wasn't fair for him to score points with Kenny while Bebe was gone, so he left as well, and decided to visit his friend in Ohio. Kenny had managed to get an internship with Marvel Inc., as a graphic designer—Kyle had been nice enough to let Kenny borrow the Jew's lap top and made sure the lap top contained all the programs Kenny would need. Kenny made it a point to send emails frequently to everyone about how great a time he was having.

Token had decided that he and his girlfriend, Shayna, could use the time to do some good and went with her to Africa for volunteer work. Jimmy and Timmy went to handi-camp again and decided to be counselors. Craig decided to take Tweek away in an attempt to get the hyper boy away from his coffee addiction so that Tweek could handle college. And, finally, Clyde had decided that he wanted to explore a career in writing, so he went to Edinburgh, Scotland to see if the writing history there would inspire something.

But, despite finally being left alone, the boys constantly found themselves being interrupted by Kyle's overprotective mother, who wasn't ready to let her little boy stop being innocent. Kyle, on the other hand, was quite ready to have that innocence taken away from him, especially by Stan.

Stan pouted and rested his chin on his hand. "I wish we could take a week off and go somewhere."

Kyle nodded, eyes unfocused; suddenly, a smile appeared on the Jew's face. Stan, immediately noticing, grinned in anticipation.

"I don't suppose you have a plan, my love?" Stan asked.

"One: never call me that again. Two: yes, I do have a plan."

* * *

><p>"So…<em>Clyde<em> wants you to visit him in Edinburgh, _Scotland_?" Sheila asked her son after he'd finished explaining.

Kyle nodded. "Right. Clyde is spending the week there, but realized it wasn't entirely wise for him to go alone to a country where he totally stands out, so he wants us over there to accompany him. It'll just be for the week, mom, and Stan and I will pay for it ourselves."

"We _what_?" Stan hissed, then shut up when Kyle elbowed him.

Sheila stared at her son—unlike most of South Park, her common sense meter had risen over the years and she didn't fall for the boys' lies like she used to.

"I don't know, Kyle…"

Their small staring contest continued, Stan looking back in forth between mother and son. It started to seem like Sheila wasn't going to give in and, with a sigh, Stan was ready to tell Kyle to forget it.

"Okay, fine, mom. You win." Kyle suddenly announced. Stan and Sheila stared at the young Jew curiously. "Stan and I just want some time alone. We love each other and we're positive we'll love each other forever, so we want to take our relationship to another level—namely, sex. We've done the research, we know what we need to be safe, and we know how to prepare ourselves for it. We're not having sex on a whim, mom; we've been talking about having sex for a while now and we're both ready. Clyde really _does_ want us to visit him this week, but I figured this vacation could also be a way to have a romantic getaway with Stan so that we can have some privacy."

At first, the Jewish mother looked as if she'd been shocked stupid, but—slowly—a smile etched onto her lips. With a heavy sigh, she nodded. "Okay, fine, Kyle. You win."

Kyle glanced at Stan, who looked back and shrugged.

"If you want to do this so badly that you're willing to tell me the truth so frankly, you deserve to be treated like an adult. You're allowed to make your own decisions and I'm glad you're being honest. If you two can pay for it, you can both go. You have my blessings."

With a short, surprised laugh, Kyle jumped out of his chair and hugged his mother, repeatedly shouting thank-yous. Stan grinned and hugged her once Kyle finally let go, thanking her as well. Once they told Gerald about their trip to Edinburgh, the two boys climbed up to Kyle's room.

"So," Stan said once he closed the door, "now what?"

"We figure out a way to pay for us to go there."

"How?"

Kyle shrugged. "Iono. I guess we could con someone…but we're seventeen now and not quite as cute as we used to be. Who would fall for any of our cons now?"

Stan smirked. "I know who."

* * *

><p>"Of course, L. Ron! Anything for you!" Tom Cruise exclaimed as he gave Stan, the <em>obvious<em> reincarnation of L. Ron Hubbard, two thousand dollars in cash. "Will this be enough?"

"Absolutely. I promise that the evil Lord Xenu will finally be forced to release some of the hapless Thetans or whatever from their horrible fate."

"Oh, bless you, L. Ron!"

Cruise waved enthusiastically as Stan confidently strolled to the vinyl record store; Kyle leaned against the door frame of the entrance, one side of his lips quirked up in a smile. "Really?" the red-head asked. "This again?"

"I can't believe he keeps falling for it."

"I can't believe you finally got him out of Craig's closet."

"To be fair," Stan laughed, "That was mostly because Tom Cruise was tired of hearing Craig and Tweek going at it."

Kyle pouted. "Even Craig and Tweek have had sex already. We better have an amazing fucking time."

Stan smiled slyly and kissed Kyle, leading the Jew to the car. "Believe me. We will have an amazing _fucking_ time."

"I see what you did there," Kyle laughed.

"Clever girl."

* * *

><p>The excitement the boys were feeling since the plane had touched the ground had not quelled in the slightest when they arrived to their hotel. Though they were excited to finally be alone for a week, Edinburgh was artistic, beautiful, and full of history. Animatedly, the boys pointed to places they wanted to visit during their cab ride, promising to actually wake up early to do so.<p>

As they walked into Holiday Inn, they spotted a boy with messy brown hair sitting on the couches, a notebook on his lap.

"Clyde!" Kyle called, grinning. The boy turned and smiled at them. With a few quick strides, Clyde walked over and hugged them.

"Hey, guys. I'm glad you could make it. Was the flight okay?"

"A bit long," Stan admitted, "But totally worth it now that we're here."

"Yeah, this place is amazing. When you guys get settled, I figured we could all go for coffee."

"Sounds awesome," Kyle smiled. "Do you have a good café in mind?"

Clyde grinned. "How about the café where J.K. Rowling finished her Harry Potter books?"

Kyle jumped and down in excitement, causing the two taller boys to laugh; everyone knew Kyle was a closet Harry Potter fan. Eventually, the red-head stopped bouncing and hugged Clyde tightly.

"You're the best, Clyde," Kyle grinned.

Clyde nodded. "I know."

"Clyde, I love you, but if you steal my boyfriend from me with all your Harry Potter know-how, I will murder you in your sleep and wear your blood as war colors," Stan chuckled.

"I hope you're joking," Clyde replied with a nervous laugh.

"Only a little."

* * *

><p>After checking in and unpacking, Clyde led the brunet and red-head to the Elephant House café, where—as Clyde affirmed—Rowling had finished her final book. While Stan and Clyde sat at their table, Kyle had gone to the bathroom to marvel at all the messages fans had left for Rowling in the bathroom. After a while, they spotted the Jew leave the men's room and sneak into the ladies'. Stan and Clyde snickered, going back to their coffee.<p>

"So, Clyde, how have you been doing?" Stan asked.

"Really great," he responded. "Scotland is beautiful. If you guys are cool with it, we should climb the mountains near the Parliament building. The view from the top of the volcano is amazing."

"There's a volcano?" Stan asked excitedly.

"An _active_ volcano, yes," Clyde grinned.

"That sounds pretty ace, bro. How goes the story writing?"

Clyde smiled. "Great! Wanna read what I've written so far?"

Stan nodded and took the notebook offered to him. Clyde sat back, trying to appear calm as he sipped his coffee, but Stan could tell the other brunet was anxious to see what Stan thought. Finally, after thoroughly exploring both restrooms, Kyle joined them back at the table; the Jew noticed that Stan was reading and wiggled his way onto Stan's lap to read with his boyfriend. Stan, with a chuckle, complied and both boys quietly read Clyde's story.

Clyde had finished his fourth cup of coffee before Stan finally put the notebook down and Kyle sat in a separate chair.

"So, what did you think?" he asked, trying not to sound too keen.

Kyle looked at Stan. Stan looked at Kyle. They grinned simultaneously before looking at their friend.

"It was great, Clyde!" Kyle finally relayed.

"Yeah, your characters are so believable! And I couldn't put it down for a second," Stan added.

"Yeah, dude. I was totally sucked in," Kyle smiled.

Clyde let out a deep sigh of relief. "That's good to hear. If you two liked it, maybe it stands a shot to be an actual novel one day."

"Go for it, Clyde," Kyle nodded. "I think it'll make a great novel."

Stan agreed enthusiastically. "I'd love to read it in a bookstore one day!"

Clyde grinned. "Awesome. Well, it's getting pretty late. We should get going back to the hotel."

Stan nodded, but Kyle raised a brow. "Already? I thought you said you were going to show us a pub."

"Well, yeah," Clyde conceded, "But I know why you two are really here and I'm sure you two would like some privacy as soon as possible. We're from South Park, guys; let's not tempt fate."

The other boys laughed and nodded, following Clyde back to the hotel, excitement bubbling in their… _hearts_.

* * *

><p>Stan stood back and smiled at his handiwork. While Kyle took a shower, Stan had put up candles all over the room, flower petals on the bed, and a boom-box on the desk that was cued with their song. Stan grinned, taking off his clothes except for his boxers, then sat on the bed.<p>

Finally, the Jew stepped out of the bath, a towel around his slight waist. Stan smiled softly at him, beckoning Kyle over. With a blush, the red-head complied and sat beside Stan.

"So…we're really gonna do this?" Kyle asked.

Stan nodded, leaning his forehead against his boyfriend's. "If you want to, I want to."

Kyle gazed into Stan's deep blue eyes; he marveled at how he could see his own reflection there. Slowly, the Jew began to smile and, with a nod, Stan knew that Kyle was really ready.

"I love you, Kyle," Stan whispered as he laid Kyle back on the bed.

"I love you, Stan," Kyle whispered back, "More than anyone in my life."

* * *

><p>"Oh, my god, Kyle. I am so sorry!"<p>

Kyle chuckled, the swelling finally gone and his tongue a normal size again. "It's fine."

"But, if only I'd known!"

"To be fair, you couldn't have known if I didn't."

Stan sighed, grasping the Jew's hand. The brunet stared dejectedly at Kyle, who lay in a hospital bed. After the foreplay and the messing around, the boys finally decided to be serious and really have sex. Stan was more than ready and had planned out how every romantic part of their making love would play out.

Unfortunately, neither boy knew that Kyle was apparently allergic to latex condoms.

"I don't know how to make this up to you," Stan moaned.

"C'mon, Stan," Kyle rolled his eyes. "I'm a hipster. I should've figured that latex would be too mainstream."

"Kyle, this isn't funny!" Stan insisted. "You could have died if I hadn't have noticed something was wrong!"

"But I didn't die, so it's fine now," the Jew frowned. "Just be happy I'm alive and laugh with me."

"It is kind of funny," another voice interjected; both boys looked to the door to see a smiling Clyde standing there with flowers. With a small chuckle, the writer-to-be put the flowers on the nightstand beside Kyle's bed and sat in the chair. "How are you feeling, Kyle?"

"Much better, thanks." Kyle smiled.

"How are you doing, Stan?" Clyde asked.

Stan sighed, sitting on the edge of Kyle's bed. "A little freaked out, but otherwise fine."

"I came as soon as the hotel staff told me. Just to be sure…what exactly happened?"

Stan pouted and, with a blush, averted his eyes. "Kyle is allergic to latex."

"And how exactly did you find out?"

Giggle. Snort.

"…I put on the condom…and…"

Glare.

"Aaaaaand?"

Snicker.

"And fuck you, Clyde."

Clyde finally burst out laughing, Kyle joining him. Stan glared at both of them before he finally sighed and smiled at his still-alive boyfriend.

"How did you not know about this before? Didn't we put on condoms when Mackey taught us about STDs?" Clyde wondered.

"Well, yeah. Apparently, though, since we'd worn those condoms every day for quite a while, I developed a latex allergy. Still, I didn't have to go to the doctor because we'd taken them off right before it got me sick. I guess this last condom was the straw that broke the proverbial camel's back," Kyle replied.

"So, how do we have sex then?" Stan finally asked.

"There's always vinyl condoms," Kyle shrugged.

"Those are real things?" Stan deadpanned.

"Or, you know," Clyde interrupted. "You could just have sex without condoms."

Both boys looked at Clyde almost innocently. "What?"

Clyde rolled his eyes. "As much as you guys hang with Kenny, you're not very knowledgeable in this, are you? C'mon guys, it's common sense; you love each other?"

Both boys responded simultaneously. "Yes."

"You want to be with only each other?"

"Yes."

"You're both healthy and have no diseases?"

"Yes."

"Then why do you need condoms? Stan, you've only ever been with Wendy and we all know you never actually slept with her."

Stan blushed, but nodded regardless.

"And Kyle, we all know Bebe never even let you get to second base."

Kyle nodded as well, his cheeks hinting red.

"There. You don't need condoms. You're both safe."

Stan and Kyle looked at each other quizzically before shrugging and smiling.

"Fuck condoms," Stan decided happily, Kyle grinning back at him.

Clyde smiled before blanching. "Wait; crap!"

"What?" Stan asked.

"The audience! The _very impressionable_ audience reading this!"

Kyle grimaced. "Fuck, that's right. But…I don't wanna…"

Clyde frowned. "I'm the one who talked you out of condoms. I don't think I'm the one to say this."

"I just said to fuck them," Stan raised a brow, looking at the Jew.

"Oh, _fine._" Kyle pouted, then looked directly before him. "We here at _Bromance is for Pussies_ do not condone unsafe sex. Condoms are the most effective birth control and most effective preventer of STDs. If you plan on having sex, wear a glove—nothing's sexier than safety when you're making love."

Stan and Clyde snickered as Kyle groaned.

"That was, by far, the stupidest public service announcement I've ever had to do."

"Look on the bright side, babe," Stan smiled. Kyle looked at his boyfriend curiously. "It'll only get worse from here on out."

Kyle scowled and punched Stan in the stomach, making the other double over. Stan, however winded he now was, was still laughing. Clyde laughed too, but made it a point to stay out of Kyle's radius. Eventually, a knock at the door caused the boys to calm down, and the doctor entered.

"Hello, there, Mr. Broflovski. You're very lucky your boyfriend was so quick to call us," the doctor put his medical clipboard at the end of Kyle's bed. "It looks like you'll be fine, but we'd like to keep you overnight to ensure that the medicine really has worked and that your throat won't close up again."

Kyle nodded in understanding.

"Can I stay with him tonight?" Stan asked, holding Kyle's hand. Kyle, in turn, gazed tenderly at Stan, a soft smile on his face.

The doctor smiled kindly. "Of course you can, Mr. Marsh. I'll let the overnight staff know. Now, I suggest you boys get some rest."

With that, the doctor left the room. Stan smiled at Kyle, kissing the Jew's forehead. Clyde watched and smiled sadly.

"You okay, Clyde?" Kyle blinked.

"Yeah. I guess I'm just a little jealous."

Stan smiled. "Clyde, don't even worry about it. You're gonna find someone perfect for you."

Clyde smiled back. "Yeah, you're right. I shouldn't rush it."

Kyle grinned. "Hey, Clyde. Did I ever tell you about the time when I got stopped by a cop?"

Clyde raised a curious eyebrow and shook his head.

"Well, I was speeding and one of Officer Barbrady's new recruits stopped me and thought I was a girl. So, he leans over and asks me if I know how fast I was going. Figuring that he'd let me go if I hit on him a bit, I told him, 'I'm sorry, officer! I know I was speeding, but I was just trying to get here to you as fast as I could!'"

Clyde chuckled. "That really happened?"

Kyle smiled softly and let out a quiet laugh. "No."

Clyde laughed hollowly and nodded. "Oh."

Kyle bit his lip and tapped the writer's knee. "She's out there, Clyde. I know you're tired of waiting and I know all of us being all together and happy isn't helping, but she's out there. And she's getting here as fast as she can."

Stan smiled. "Yeah, Clyde. I mean, Kyle and I have been best friends since birth, but even though we were right next to each other every step of the way, we weren't ready to be together until just recently. She may be right next to you or she may be on the other side of the world, but she's out there…and when you're ready, she'll be here before you know it."

Clyde nodded and gave them both a genuine smile. "You're right, guys. I just have to be a little more patient. In the meantime, I guess I better finish this story. I'll let you guys have some privacy."

The boys nodded at him and hugged him, waving to Clyde as he left. Once the door slid shut, they smiled at each other softly.

Kyle chuckled. "You know, I never _did_ notice that my soul-mate was right next to me all these years."

"Yeah, you're a bit dense like that," Stan shrugged with a laugh. Kyle stuck his tongue at his boyfriend.

"Shut up. When _did_ you fall in love with me?"

"Around eighth grade, I think."

"Wow, really? I feel honored."

"You should."

The conversation moved onto lighter things and, eventually, Stan snuggled into the hospital bed with Kyle as they talked. In time, the hospital quieted and the nurses stopped being as frequent, leaving the boys alone.

"…Kyle?" Stan whispered.

"Yeah?"

"…Are you awake?"

Kyle glanced at his companion. "…Yes."

"What do you think Clyde meant by giving us more privacy?"

"…Stan, my first time is not going to be in a hospital."

"…A hospital in _Scotland_."

The silence prevailed for a few seconds and soon, Kyle began to chuckle. Stan grinned, knowing he had won. Quietly, the brunet took out his droid and played "Something About Us."

"Kyle?"

"Take off your pants, Marsh."

Stan's grin widened. "Do you mean American pants or British pants?" (i)

Kyle smiled at his boyfriend coyly, already removing his hospital garb.

"Both."

* * *

><p>(i) In America, "pants" means actual pants, like trousers. So, your jeans or whatever you wear. In the UK, "pants" tends to mean underwear, like boxers.<p>

There you have it. I should probably specify, but not all stories will focus on Stan and Kyle. I feel like I didn't give much attention to the Cartman and Wendy relationship, so there will be a few stories for that couple. Thanks again.


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